Ma'am: Women Share their Feelings
The Search for Meaning Behind a Common Colloquialism
Women share their experiences of, and feelings about, being called "ma'am."
"Ma'am"...is it a sign of respect or a label for a "woman of a certain age" destined to be over the hill? When women are addressed as "ma'am", is it a sign that a woman has lost her sexual attractiveness? Or merely a polite colloqualism? Is it politically correct? Or incorrect? Women share their feelings.
Sign of Respect...or Age?
Sandra, 42, is at the grocery store checkout when a bag boy who has obviously learned the value of charm strikes up a conversation with her. Even though she’s in sweat pants and her hair and teeth haven’t been brushed in nearly 12 hours, she starts to feel what used to be called “hip.” She smiles flirtatiously and tosses a straggly lock of hair back, feeling all of 19. And then he says it. “Want help out with your bags, ma’am?"
And reality hits. In his eyes, she has reached that pinnacle of femininity reserved for the likes of Angela Lansbury and Mrs. Doubtfire. She is a “ma’am.” Ugh. She smiles wanly. “No thanks,” she says, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair in a motherly way, “I’ve got it.” She musters up what’s left of her sexual self-esteem and walks toward the door, hoping against hope her derriere doesn’t look as gigantic as it feels at this stage in her life.
Common Colloqualism
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word ma’am is a shortened form of the French suffix, Madam. It’s meant to be a sign of respect, especially in England, as its how everyone addresses the queen when in her presence. And most would agree that in 99.9 percent of the cases, it isn’t meant in a derogatory way.
So why do so many women take it that way?
Women Weigh In
Several women of varying ages gathered around the food and wine table at a recent party and were asked to share how they feel about being called "ma'am."
“I’m not old enough to be called ‘ma’am,” Susan, 42 stated.
“I don’t like it,” Nina, 38 chimed in.
“I don’t mind,” Linda, 53, added. “As long as he’s willing to take the groceries home and put them away for me.” Everyone laughed.
Not everyone feels the same.
“I take it as a sign of respect,” said Katherine, 35. “But I’m from the South. I’ve been called ma’am since I was in my teens.”
Other Perspectives
When asked, two supermarket baggers who declined to be identified for this story responded. “I do it to be polite,” said a supermarket bagboy for a large chain in Florida. “They don’t tell us to say it. I just do because I’m a polite person.”
An older woman who does the same job at the same location said simply that she does not call anyone “ma’am” but declined further conversation on the subject. Further research turned up a regional pattern.
Penny, 31, travels throughout the South in her job as a marketing representative for an urban radio station. “I hate being called ‘ma’am,’” she stated. “It’s subservient. I particularly hate it when I’m in Mississippi. I’m white, and I noticed that it’s mostly white women who are referred to as ‘ma’am.’ You never hear a black woman addressed that way.”
And Pam, 60, stated that, while being referred to as “ma’am” doesn’t bother her in most cases, there is another customer service habit that does irk her terribly. “I hate it when I go to the bank and they say, ‘How are you today, Pam?’ like we’re old friends or something. I don’t know them, and they don’t know me. How do they come to see that as okay?”
Good question. And one that begs another story.
